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:iconicepaw99:
This is pretty good :) It's well laid out, and flows quite well. I can't see any spelling or grammar mistakes.

My favourite thing about this poem is the descriptions you've used, especially the first line, 'Because the words that fall out of my mouth and stain the page are sophomoric at best'. The imagery is unique- I don't think I've seen this image used before- and I really like it. It sets off the poem very atmospherically. I also love the idea of the character's personality being shaped by who they love, and the way this runs through the whole poem- 'formed', 'shape me' and 'mold me'.

I don't think the rhyme scheme is necessary. The first stanza rhymes, whereas in the third stanza, there is no rhyme at all, and I prefer it like that. The emotions in the poem are quite complicated and contrasting, and I think that this is made clearer by having no rhythm. Having a rhyme in the first verse changes the flow, I think.

All in all, this is really good, and the imagery and description really caught me up in the poem. Well done :D
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:icondeathbyskittlez:
DeathbySkittlez Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can never seem to truly stick to a rhyme scheme and I've been told multiple times that it's better without. So I will keep that in mind for next time!

I'm glad you think so highly of the imagery and the character's personality. I agree that the flow isn't quite smooth and I feel that you're right and there was too much difference in the first stanza.

Thank you for taking the time to critique! :D It means a lot and it truly helps! :3
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:iconicepaw99:
icepaw99 Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem! You're a really good writer :D
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:icondeathbyskittlez:
DeathbySkittlez Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you so much! :'D
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